I'm believing God

The Lord prompted me a few months ago to participate in a Women's Bible study at Lighthouse Christian Church. It is Thursday mornings from 9:30-11:30, and Clara has fun in the nursery for a few hours while I have an hour of discussion time with my small group of 5 other women, then watch an hour video for the second hour. The study is titled, "Believing God" by Beth Moore. If you haven't done a Beth Moore Bible study, I would highly recommend it. She has been kicking my butt these past few weeks! I should have blogged about it before now, because I'm not sure how to summarize all that I've been learning from it in just one post without it being super long. But, this past week, the Lord let me know exactly why He lead me to be in this study for this particular time in my life.

The basic theme of the study is learning how to get to your "promised land" which the Bible teaches that we can all get to and live in BEFORE we enter Heaven. We have been studying the Israelites, particularly in the book of Joshua, and their cycle of belief and disbelief that led them to be in the wilderness for 40 years before entering the Promised Land. This past week, we finally got to the part where they enter "Gilgal" and break their cycle of discontentment and stop grumbling to God and start trusting in Him to provide for them.

The Bible study lessons this past week have been perfect for me in the place where I am in my life. God has been directly speaking to me, giving me comfort and hope during a difficult time. A week and a half ago, Jeremy and I found out we were pregnant, but that my progesterone level was low, so I started taking some prometrium to get that level up. (My level was low with Clara, too, and I took that all through my first trimester with her). We were excited for this news, as we really hadn't been "trying" to get pregnant for more than a few months. But, on Monday, I went in to have my hormone levels checked again, and the pregnancy level had gone down. This week, I have lost another pregnancy. It was a lot earlier on than the previous one I lost, which does make it a lot easier to cope with, but difficult nonetheless. I have told a few people about this, but not many. The reason I put this on here now is not for sympathy, but to share what God has already been teaching me about this time of our lives, and to ask for prayer and support as we embark into a new period.

The last time I miscarried, it embarked us into a year and a half period of frustration as we tried and tried to get pregnant, with negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test. Looking back, I was trying really hard to "give it up to the Lord" but I truly wasn't. I was stressed out about it every month, taking my temperature every morning, taking Clomid and other hormones, trying to time things out just perfectly, and, in the end, going to the Gyft Clinic for more treatment, which didn't help either. It was only after Jeremy and I had prayed and felt led to look into foster-to-adopt (and after a month of packing up our house and being really busy with that) that we got pregnant with Clara, with only the help of the progesterone, but no other interventions. My pregnancy with Clara was a breeze, to say the least, and she is a healthy, perfect little girl.

Jeremy and I are now entering into another time of "trying" to get pregnant. But, at my Bible study the other day, I felt like God was clearly saying to me, "Laura, you are getting a 'do-over' this time. You have been learning about Believing in Me and having faith in Me, so do it." At this point, I feel pretty strongly that the Lord was trying to show me something with this miscarriage, which I believe to be that I need to be on progesterone earlier in my cycle than waiting until I get a positive pregnancy test. (With Clara, I was on progesterone from day 20 or 21 until the end of the first trimester). When I got my positive pregnancy test this time, my progesterone level was VERY low . . . so low, in fact, that they put me on 3 pills/day, which is a dosage I had never had with Clara . . . I only took 2/day with her. The Gyft Clinic now wants me to come in and meet with the doctor and see "what else needs to be done" to make this happen again . . but Jeremy and I are convinced that we can get pregnant again IN GOD'S TIMING without any help from the clinic.

I will say that the only downside of taking the progesterone every month is that I have to do a pregnancy test around day 28-30 every month because I won't start a period when I'm on the progesterone. I have to get that negative test, go off the pills, and wait a few days for the level to come down. When we were trying to get pregnant the last time, those negative tests month after month are what really were hard to deal with, for both myself and Jeremy. As we enter into this time again, I really need prayer and support from friends and family to know that God is in control and He will give us another child when He is good and ready to. I truly have confidence in this. But it's easy for me to say that now . . . it's harder when I'm staring at negative test #3, or 6, or 8.

I want to let this period of my life be a testimony to others. I want to go into this "trying to get pregnant" time with a confident faith in God's promises and a joyful attitude. Please pray for and with me that the Lord will give me the strength to do this.

If there is anything that a miscarriage will do for you , it is to make you SO THANKFUL for the children the Lord has given you. Jeremy and I have looked at Clara this week with a new love and adoration of her. It's helped that we haven't had any foster kids this week, and we've just been able to be together as a family. I have kissed Clara a thousand times this week. Here are a few pictures of her enjoying the sunny, western Washington weather: With my sister, Sara (aunt "sasa") at the Tacoma waterfront
In a wading pool at the Schock's house for Memorial Day

At "The 13" . . . beachfront property owned by a family in our church